


Menzies

by xHookedonKillianx



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 08:11:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6415795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xHookedonKillianx/pseuds/xHookedonKillianx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place during the six weeks in Season 4 before Gold comes back. Emma and Snow’s monthly beast syncs up and David and Killian have to deal with some angry women.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Menzies

**Author's Note:**

> This popped into my mind for some unknown reason I had to write it out. It was supposed to be pure funny but then turned a little fluffy at the end. ::shrugs shoulders:: I can never get over a fluffy Killian.

Killian is sitting at the island in the Charming’s kitchen sipping on coffee with David when he first hears the sound of a draw being slammed from upstairs.

“Swan, you alright?” he calls up to her.

“Fine!”

His brow goes together in confusion at her clipped tone. He and David exchange a look. The prince shrugs his shoulders and goes back to reading the paper while Killian turns back to his crossword puzzle. A few minutes pass before Emma comes stomping down her steps. He’s surprised to see her still in her cotton pajama pants and a tank top. She’s not wearing an undergarment either, he can tell, but he doesn’t let his eyes linger too long out of respect for her father.

“I’m not coming into work today,” she grumbles as she reaches the bottom step.

“Okay…?” David draws out.

“You feeling alright, love?”

Her lips press together and she gives them both a tight smile.

“I’m fine. I just don’t feel like going into work today. Is that a problem?”

Both David and Killian raise their eyebrows at her attitude. She huffs and walks into the kitchen. The men look at each other again. David leans against the counter and Killian puts his coffee mug down.

“No, of course not,” Killian says. “Just making sure you’re feeling okay. You’re not one to lounge around in your sleepwear is all.”

Emma grabs a coffee mug from the cabinet and slams the door shut.

“Yeah, well nothing is fitting today and I feel fat so I’m staying in this.”

David chuckles and Killian snorts. “Fat, Swan? You are far from fat.”

“He’s right, Emma. Maybe you’re just under the weather?”

She gives them both a glare before she turns around. Killian opens his mouth but stops when Emma slams her hands down on the counter.

“Who drank the last of the coffee and didn’t make more?”

“Uh,” David starts.

Emma lifts up the empty coffee pot and looks between the two.

“You know, it’s common curtsey, when you drink the last of the coffee, you put more on!” she growls before she slams the coffee pot back onto the machine.

“Emma,” David starts. “Is there something wrong?”

She yanks open the top cabinet and pulls out the coffee grinds.

“You know what,” she slams the bag down and turns to both of them. “Yes. I’m tired. I’m tired of having no coffee in the house! I’m tired of having to make my own coffee because you two decide that you’re the only ones that need it in the morning! I mean, how hard is it to make coffee around here?! I understand you both were born in a different realm, but you’ve lived here long enough to know that when the coffee pot is empty… YOU FILL IT BACK UP!”

David and Killian’s eyes both go wide as she yells the last part.

“We didn’t…” she cuts Killian off.

“You didn’t want? Check the coffee? That’s obvious!”

Emma stomps over to the fridge and David has to move quickly. But he doesn’t move quick enough and he ends up bumping right into his daughter. Emma steps back with a gasp and Killian’s eyebrows go up to his hair line when he sees her reach up to cup her chest with a wince.

Killian immediately jumps from his seat. “Did you get hurt?”

Before she can answer the bathroom door slams open, causing them all to jump. Snow comes storming out of the bathroom with her head wrapped in a towel, wearing a sky blue bathrobe.

“Who’s bright idea was it to use all of the hot water?” she yells.

Emma huffs and turns back to the coffee machine while David looks at his wife.

“Ugh, well, I ran the dishwasher.”

“While I was taking a shower?!” Snow growls.

He reaches up the scratch the back of his neck. “You asked me too…”

“I asked you last night! Not this morning. Now thanks to you, I can’t take a shower because there is no hot water!”

Snow pushes herself into the kitchen.

“There’s no coffee either,” Emma mumbles.

Snow closes her eyes and breathes out through her nose before she turns to glare at her husband and Killian.

“You two didn’t refill the coffee machine?”

Killian chuckles. “Sorry?”

Emma and Snow both send him a murderous look and for the first time, he sees how similar the resemble each other.

“Is this really a big deal?” Killian asks, clearly confused.

The lights start to flicker around the loft as Emma’s face goes harder. Killian takes a step closer to her.

“Swan,” his eyes look around at the lights. “I don’t know what’s wrong, but maybe you should try calming down, okay, love?”

Her eyes go wide. “Calm? Are you telling me to be calm? You? Captain Hook is telling _me_ to be calm?”

Killian blinks. “Well, I was…”

“That’s funny! I seem to remember you freaking out the other day because some called the Jolly a boat instead of a ship!”

He takes a step back because he obviously has done something to make her mad at him and he’s not sure as to what that was.

“Maybe if we had coffee and hot water, we wouldn’t have to be calm!” Snow snips.

David’s mouth drops open. “Would you like my coffee?”

“No I don’t want your coffee!” she snaps. “I want my own coffee and hot flipping water!”

Killian and David both hold up their hands in defense.

When they are all silent for a few seconds, Snow lets out a large huff and shakes her head.

“Where’s the chocolate?”

David’s eyes go wide when he finally realizes what’s happening. But Killian is oblivious as he tries again with Emma.

“Swan, what’s…”

The prince rushes forward and puts his hand on Killian’s chest to stop him.

“You ladies are absolutely right, we’re so sorry,” the pirate blinks and looks at David like he has two heads.

Both females seemed to have lost their bleeding minds and here the prince was apologizing to them.

“What the bloody hell are you apologizing for?”

Snow and Emma glare at him again and his mouth snaps shut.

“Follow my lead,” David whispers to him before he turns back to the girls. “Killian should have made more coffee and I should have done the dishes last night when I was asked.”

Emma rolls her eyes while she makes the coffee and Snow just glares as continues to search throughout the kitchen.

When Killian doesn’t say anything, David gives him a nudge on the shoulder.

The pirate coughs and nods his head. “Right.”

“I’m going to head into the station now. Killian, why don’t you come with me today? I could use the help since Emma will be staying home.”

Killian looks back and forth between David and Emma.

“Well, Emma and I…”

“No, we really aren’t,” she growls.

David leans forward. “Trust me. You want to come to the station.”

Emma turns to face him and crosses her arms. Her face is still like stone but the lights have stopped flickering. David walks back into the kitchen and up to his wife.

“Have a nice day, dear,” David leans into to give his wife a kiss but when her deadly eyes glare up at him he stops.

He swallows thickly, gives her a tight lipped smile and turns.

“See you later, Emma,” he mumbles as he walks by her.

David raises his eyebrow at Killian and motions to the front door. The pirate lets out a sigh and even though Emma is shooting daggers at him, he approaches her.

“I guess I’ll see you later today, love.”

Emma’s face stays the same and when he leans in to give her a kiss, she turns so that his lips touch her cheek instead. With a sigh, he says goodbye to her one last time before he and David walk out. When the door is finally shut, Killian turns to him.

“What the bloody hell was that about?” he asks in a whisper.

David stares back at the door almost like a creature was about to attack and shakes his head. Before he can answer there’s a yell from inside of the apartment.

“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ALL OF THE CHOCOLATE?!”

Killian and David look at each other.

“Run!” David hisses before he quickly moves down the steps with Killian close behind.

It’s not until they reach the station that David lets out a sigh of relief and his shoulders sag.

“Look, mate, I don’t know if it’s wise that I leave your daughter be. I’ve done something to upset her and I want to make it right.”

David chuckles as he puts his gun holster on.

“Trust me, Hook. Anything you do today will only make it worse.”

Killian looks at him confused. “I don’t even know what I did in the first place, if it’s about the coffee surely she can’t be that upset.”

David shakes his head. “For being a pirate, you don’t know much about women, do you?”

He rolls his eyes. “How does my knowledge of the opposite sex have anything to do with this?”

David sits down at his desk and goes through his morning routine.

“Sit down, Hook. I’m going to teach you a few things.”

Killian presses his lips together before he takes a seat in the chair on the opposite side of the desk.

David puts his arms on the desk and leans forward. “What happened this morning has nothing to do with coffee or hot water.”

“Aye, but how do _you_ know what it was about? Did something else happen this morning?”

The prince leans back in his chair and starts to squirm. His hand goes to the back of his head and he scratches it.

“Look, in many ways, you’re a lot older than I am…”

Killian snorts. “Not ways, mate. I am. I am older than you are. By a hundred years or so…”

David glares are him and Killian just gives him a smirk.

“That may be so, but in a lot of ways, I’m older than you. I have more knowledge about things, and it’s only because I’ve been married and have a daughter.”

Killian rolls his eyes. “Get to the point, Dave.”

He starts to squirm again before he crosses his arms over his chest and lets out a sigh.

“You know women get their periods right?”

The pirate looks at him in confusion. “Periods?”

David is the one to roll his eyes that time. “When a women bleeds once a month…”

Killian holds his hands up. “Whoa, mate.”

“In this world they call it a period.”

“And what does that have to do with anything?”

David shakes his head. “Seriously? Hook have you never been around a woman long enough to deal with her during that time?”

The pirates jaw clenches. The last woman he’d been around long enough to know when her bleeds started was Milah and that was hundreds of years prior.

“Not for a long while.”

David’s face goes soft. “Sorry.”

Killian shakes his head. They both stay silent for a little before David clears his throat and sits up to lean on the desk again.

“Anyway, when a woman has her period, it’s an effect on their bodies.”

Killian raises his brow and it was his turn to start to squirm. “I do know what happens. I don’t need a lesson.”

David lets out a huff. “It also messes with their hormones. Sometimes they become overly emotional…”

Killian thinks back to two nights prior when he and Emma were watching a talking picture with her boy and she started to cry over the monkey on the screen being treated unfairly.

_“It’s just so mean!” she cried. “He’s just trying to be nice to them.”_

“But sometimes, it can make them… angry.”

“Angry?”

David nods. “Irritated easily. Something that normally wouldn’t be a big deal, is blown into something huge because their hormones are all… wonky.”

“Wonky?”

“Screwed up.”

“Doesn’t explain this morning. They were perfectly fine with each other but bit our heads off.”

David chuckles and nods his head. “That’s because we’re men. We don’t understand what they are going through.”

Killian wipes his lips. “Wait, they? Are you telling me that both Emma and Snow have their… _periods_ right now?”

“I’m guessing by both of their reactions it’s the first day, too. Which is usually the worst.”

“That’s just bad luck on our end.”

“Well, sort of,” David starts. “They say when a group of women are around each other all the time, their bodies tend to… sync up.”

“Sync up?”

David waves his hand in the air. “Go together.”

The pirate sits up in his seat and leans over the desk. “Wait just a minute, you’re telling me that just because they are together all the time that their bodies… somehow know this and start bleeding together?”

David winces at his words but nods. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Killian huffs and sits back in his seat. “What the bloody hell kind of magic is that and what can we do to stop it?”

The phone starts to rings as David laughs and shakes his head.

“Nothing. My advice? Next time you see, Emma? Make sure you have some chocolate and don’t do anything to piss her off. Better yet, don’t even move or speak unless she asks you to.”

* * *

Killian and David return to the loft a little after dinner time. Snow called her husband and warned him there would be no dinner before she promptly hung up. So they decided to stop at Granny’s for a bite to eat before they headed back.

“Are you ready for this?” David asks in a whisper.

Killian lets out a breath and shrugs.

“Just remember,” the prince tells him. “Try and just bite your tongue and keep quiet.”

The pirate nods before they open the door and walk into the loft. It was quiet inside except for the low sound of the TV from the living room. Both men look to see Snow laying on the couch with some kind of plastic pad on her stomach and her eyes glued to the screen. Emma was nowhere to be found.

“She’s upstairs,” Snow says without even looking up.

Killian and David look at each other and nod before they go their opposite directions. David in the living room and Killian up the steps.

When he reaches the top of the steps, he switches the plastic bag over to his right hand and uses his hook to tap on the wall. Emma is sitting up on her bed, with her legs crossed and eyes glued to the laptop screen in front of her.

When she hears his knock, her eyes move up and she gives him a small smile. Killian lets out a sigh because she looks less angry than she did that morning.

“’Ello, love.”

“Hey,” she whispers as she clicks something on the keyboard.

Killian walks into the room. “Your father and I brought you some dinner. It’s downstairs if you’re hungry.”

Her face scrunches up and she shakes her head. Killian steps further into the room and motions to the bed.

_“Don’t even move or speak unless she asks you to.”_

“May I?”

Emma gives him a small nod. He puts the bag down on the bed and sits next to her. His body is stiff, and usually, he would lean in to give her a kiss and they would get comfortable, but he sits and waits.

“You can come closer, I’m not going to bite,” she says with an eye roll.

Killian chuckles. “I just don’t want to upset you, love.”

Emma moves to sit up straighter and lets out a wince. Her hand moves to her lower back and she shakes her head. “You won’t upset me. What’s in the bag?”

“Does your back hurt?” he asks as he hands her the bag.

“It’s nothing,” she mumbles.

He watches her eyes light up as she pulls out each different type of candy bar inside. They both share a laugh when she grabs the one pound Hershey bar.

“David tell you what’s going on?”

Killian leans on his elbow back on the bed. “He might have let me in on it.”

“That’s just awesome. My father explained to my boyfriend about how I have my period. This day just keeps getting better and better.” She growls.

He opens his mouth but when she sends him a glare, he snaps it shut and just gives her a smile.

She winces again and his brow goes together. “Swan, what’s wrong?”

Her right hand rubs the bottom of her back. “My lower back is killing me from sitting like this.”

“Why don’t you lay back then?”

Emma sighs. “Because this position makes the cramps hurt less.”

Killian presses his lips together and nods. They are both silent as she opens up a bag of M&M’s and pops a handful in her mouth.

“May I make a suggestion?”

Emma looks him over with a raised eyebrow before she nods. He sits back up and leans down to take his boots off. He then stands and removes his jacket, Emma’s eyes on him the entire time. When he’s done, he sits back down on the bed and scoots up until his back is against the headboard.

“Come here,” he whispers.

She looks at him wearily and he rolls his eyes.

“Trust me.”

Emma moves until she is sitting in between his spread legs, with her back facing him. He tells her to cross her legs again and bring the screen up so they can watch whatever she had playing. Killian’s hooked arm wraps around her waist before his right hand goes to her lower back.

“Where does it hurt?”

His fingers move to where she points and Emma lets out a gasp as he massages the sore area. He smiles when her gasp turns into a slight groan and her head falls forward.

Killian’s arm holds her around the waist as his fingers dig into her back. When his thumb digs into a certain spot she sucks in a breath.

“Right there?”

She nods and he digs a little deeper. He can feel her body start to relax before he leans forward and places a small kiss on her shoulder.

“For having only one hand, you sure know to use it,” she whispers and Killian chuckles.

“Have to make up for my short comings somehow.”

Emma moans in response as he continues his massage. After a while, her fingers move to the keyboard of the laptop and the picture starts to move again before she grabs the bag of M&M’s again.

“Can you do this every month?” she asks with a content sigh.

Killian smiles and kisses the back of her head.

“As you wish.”


End file.
